REASONS WHY HIM REALLY AIN’T THE GREATEST FINNISH BAND EVER

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“HIM is the best band of all time, they should be the all time number one band! […] They rock and should be on top.”
– Fangirl 1

 

Being the unfriendliest (but also the coolest) webzine in the world, or at least in Austria, we have decided to take a closer look at one of the all-time most popular bands hailing from Finland and tell you things fans don’t want to hear, because that’s how we roll. We’re saying things nobody wants to hear, but we like you and that’s why we’re telling the truth.

And as the title already hints, today we’ll be talking about HIM and we’ll let you know why this band really isn’t the greatest of them all.
You might ask why we’re doing it. Well, it’s simple. We’ve found one pretty biased list of 10 best bands from Finland in the depths of the internet and we just felt the need to put it all together in this article.

ORIGINALITY IS EVERYTHING:

 

“Of course H.I. M is the best finnish band and the best band in the world, their lyrics are completely beautiful and they are also really original”
– Fangirl 2

 

While we can admit that the band’s logo-design is really impressive for its way of it getting carved in one’s mind, we can’t really say that for the rest of their concepts – Talking about the lyrical and musical ones.
I mean come on… They said “Love” in all its variants around 75 times on their best known album “Razorblade Romance”, though it got better on “Love Metal” where “Love” was mentioned only 35 times.
It’s obvious what HIM are singing about.
It’s love and they’re singing about it since the time they emerged to the scene. We don’t really see the value in repetitive lyrical themes, do you?
Well, sure you do, you dense HIM-fan! You don’t want them to change anyway!

Moving on to the music, the only album that was interesting to us happened to be their 2010 studio effort going under the title “Screamworks: Love In Theory And Practice” (Yes, it’s love once again).
With this record HIM actually tried to evolve themselves musically and it was cool. But look out, the average HIM fan strikes again, ranting about how “Screamworks” sucks cause “the band doesn’t sound the same anymore, blabber blabber”.
So what happened three years later? “Tears On Tape” happened and HIM sounded familiarly average again – Yes, they sounded the same as on the six pre-Screamworks albums. Fuck originality.
If your fans are so close-minded and don’t enjoy when you’re doing experiments, then you should probably stick to whatever you did before. Not losing fans is the main purpose here.
But shouldn’t like… Every band evolve sometime? Or did we just misunderstand something?

 

HONEST CONTENT:

 

“HIM are just amazing, The lyrics are like poetry and could stand on their own without the music. The songs are well composed and a lot of love has clearly been put into every song by every member. They are way better then the Rasmus! Simply because they have ville Valo as their singer. They’re one of the few bands these days who just create honest music, they play the music they want when they want to and the new album is going to be incredible!”
– Fangirl 3

 

If you’re looking for honest music, please consider looking up Maj Karma, or something… Or pretty much any other band unknown outside Finland. They’re all by miles more honest than HIM and please, let’s not talk about their most recent (aka 2015) live performances in Europe. It looked like they weren’t even trying to make it sound like something one would expect from a band of their level. You know what the worst thing about it is? Their fans loving them anyway despite being absolutely mediocre live.
What a bunch of pretentious sellouts!
Let’s have another fan comment on HIM, shall we?

 

“THEY ARE THE BEST BAND EVER!
ive got 3 of thier cds I’m still looking for thier other 3 I’ve got thier live dvd and cd and loads of thier merchidise!”
– Fangirl 4

 

Guess you didn’t hear that many bands in your life to end up thinking this and we seriously don’t care. But we care about your grammar and spelling, so maybe… Oh, whatever.

Anyway, back to the honest content!
We simply don’t think that HIM are a good example for how the “greatest band” of Finland should look like – Especially when you consider how many Finnish bands there are.
We’re here to tell you, that popular doesn’t always mean flawless and amazing – Hell, you can’t really find a band like that!
We appreciate authenticity in bands and we also appreciate people, who are not afraid to experiment with their music and the ones who are not afraid to be different.

We respect the band’s image, we respect everything this band has done for the Finnish music scene. We respect that this is what people want and we try to respect their fans to some extent. Most of us wouldn’t even know that Finland has one of the coolest European music scenes if it wouldn’t be for HIM in the early 2000s.
But does being popular automatically mean you’re the greatest? We’re not sure about it. Let’s just have another fan comment as a conclusion to this article:

 

“I thinkk HIM is totally underrated.”
– Fangirl 5

 

In the end, HIM come off as totally underrated and underestimated. Like totally… Ugh.
But wait, we found this gem under some YouTube video and you just cannot leave that one out:

 

“You really think that HIM is SHIT? hahahaha.. O_o
If they’re SHIT they don’t have fans, don’t have songs and sitting in WC.
If you’re saying that HIM is shit I’m saying that your favourite bands are CUN*S..You like that? i hope so..”
–  Fangirl 6

 

Remember these words, folks. After all, HIM fans are the brightest people ever and they’re always right. A bunch of cunts is always better than a bag full of shit.

And what do you think? Is HIM still the greatest band of Finland?
Take care and stay cool! We will!


All quotes remained in their original, unedited versions.
Written by YDP Collective
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Follow @yourdeadpartner on Instagram, for more offensive ramblings follow @misha_nyman on Twitter.

About Misha Nyman-Sramkova

Twenty-something art and design student from Prague, living in Salzburg. A cool cat and a wannabe trendsetter. She knows where the hype is and let's say she's responsible for the creative direction of this webzine.

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